When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The rest start blaming. These days, it seems, blaming is a favorite pass time for too many. If you fall in the category, or if you live, work, or know someone who is, read on. I believe that to blame someone or something, for the way things turn out or the way you feel is a waste of your time.

When you blame, you focus on what is out of your control – the political situation, your job, your partner, your bad luck. Whatever.

When you focus on what’s out of your control, you do nothing about it, because, well, it’s not your fault, and you can’t do anything about it.

When you do nothing about it, you get more of the same.

Blame disempowers you. Instead of mobilizing your resources and creativity, you shrug your shoulders, vent, and complain. Instead of figuring things out, you feel unjustly wronged and hurt. Anger, anxiety, and depression follow closely. Then you need some distractions to get your mind off of things. A drink, or two. A joint. A whole cake. A fight about something unrelated to blow some steam off. Everyone has different coping mechanisms.

This is not to say that you should not hold people responsible for their actions. That’s accountability, though. Accountability is assertive. Blaming, cowardly. Standing up for justice and truth – honorable. Complaining – annoying.

In general, people respond more positively to honesty, and assertiveness than to what they consider a personal attack, like blame. Blame is its own form of punishment which leads people to inaction out of fear of being blamed. If you want action and results, the last thing you should do is point fingers. Remember, people who feel fear also feel resentment towards those who subject them to the experience. Blame does not lead to love or care. It leads to resentful compliance and the potential of getting stabbed in the back later.

At the same time, blaming yourself makes you feel bad about yourself. It paralyzes you to do nothing so you don't have to hear it later. How about, some self-reflection followed by personal accountability, followed by a plan of action. We all make mistakes, say stupid things we regret, and act selfishly from time to time. We get into trouble, but the way out is through honest self-assessment, making amends, committing to be better next time, and doing everything we can to correct course.

Try objectivity. Then be proactive and productive. It will get you further than blame. You may even get to keep your friends and find out that you like yourself! Even when you think you can’t do anything, there is one thing you can do – manage your emotions and your mindset. The circumstances should not define your life experience. Your attitude most definitely will.

Everything is figureoutable.

Don’t b-lame!

Stay away from blamers too.

Valentina Petrova has been helping people with life, health, relationships, financial, career, professional, and business challenges since 2015. She has a Master’s in Psychology and is a certified Life Coach. You can reach her at val@valentinapetrovaconsulting.com or by phone at (805)909-1401, follow on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/CoachValentina, and watch her at http://www.youtube.com/c/ValentinaPetrova.