For the love of it

A Free Post

Back in my full-time yoga teacher days, I absorbed more Eastern philosophy than a graduate student majoring in Religious Studies and minoring in Philosophy. I can attest to the fact that the concept of “love” is central to understanding the world and ourselves in it.

For yogis and Buddhists, love is less about an emotional attachment, which would be more akin to an affliction of the mind, a distraction, and more of a trainable orientation of mind and action, inseparable from ethics, clarity, and liberation. For the yogis, love shows up in “non-harming” (ahimsa), friendliness (maitri), compassion (karuna), and joy in others’ happiness (mudita). In other words, love is cultivated as clarity and goodwill without expectation or clinging.

The Buddhists called it compassion and extended it liberally to everyone and everything (meta) and made individual enlightenment (freedom from suffering) dependent on helping others reach theirs. They saw hatred and ill-will as direct causes of suffering.

Similarly, the Stoics of ancient Greece emphasize care, duty, and rational concern as essential to a good life, which they defined as “virtuous.” They believed that while we extend natural affection towards family, friends, and community, all humans belong to one moral community and we owe everyone fairness and goodwill. Stoic “love” is closer to benevolence plus responsibility, not passion or fusion.

Christianity makes a radical assertion: “God is love.” (1 John 4:8) and focuses on service to God and to others in the name of God. The teachings of Jesus Christ elevate love above law, ritual, purity codes, or spiritual achievement.

From the Gospel of Matthew:

1) Love God.

2) Love your neighbor as yourself

Everything else is subordinate. While you are at it, Christ commands, love your enemies, forgive without limits and conditions, care for the poor, sick, excluded, and morally despised, and prove your love through self-sacrifice.

So, after 3500 years of yoga philosophy, 2500 years of Buddhism, 2300 years of Stoicism, and 2000+ years of Christianity, all point in the same direction – love as an action, we ended up selfish, chasing vibes, angry, isolated, and blaming each other for the suffering we experience daily.

I don’t think the world has ever been perfect, nor have humans, even those who chose to belong to and identify with these philosophical systems. Documented abuses of power, exploitations, and perversion of the spirit of these doctrines exist as dark stains on the paths of lightness. But it does seem that modern culture has now completely redefined love itself, and the results are sad and devastating for many.

In the 20^th century, we want to feel love but do not exactly want to serve or be responsible. And there’s evidence that people increasingly think of love as something others should provide for them. With it comes a set of expectations, but not necessarily coupled with responsibility for the well-being of others. When it comes to the kind of compassion, care, and rejoicing for those in our communities and even further removed, we fall even shorter of the philosophical recommendations we may profess to admire.

In the “spiritual but not religious” circles I used to hang around, spiritual bypassing, of which the Buddhists warned, was common. I witnessed people practicing what feels good to them, for self-care, identity, and community, but not because they feel compelled towards compassionate action or service to others. I watched as they used spiritual beliefs, practices, or language to avoid psychological work, emotional pain, relational responsibility, or moral accountability. Yoga, Buddhism, and spiritual practice have become places to hide from personal discomfort and lenses through which to judge others’ pain and challenges.

On the Christian side, the very fact that many Christians support Trump, a convicted felon proven to be a cheat and much more who still behaves with unsatiable greed, and the current administration’s push to limit the rights of groups of people (women, people of color) and brutally mistreat neighbors with made-for-social-media immigration raids is a testament to how corrupted their own beliefs have become.

Interestingly, Pew Research (2025) states: “The religious profiles of U.S. adults – how religious they are and what religion they identify with – are closely aligned with their partisan political identities, according to the new Religious Landscape Study (RLS).” 77% of the most religious in America identify as Republicans.

Pew Research also reported in May, 2025 that Americans’ trust in one another is at an all-time low. Only 34% said that most people can be trusted. That’s compared to 49% less than 50 years ago. Why would this matter:

“On the one hand, common sense tells us that people sometimes can be too trusting – falling prey to scams, for example. And distrust can be a rational response to a life full of hardship.

On the other hand, trust is the oil that lubricates the frictions of daily life. Trust makes it easier for people to work together to solve problems. It is beneficial for the economy because it’s related to confidence that other people will respect contracts, repay loans, and behave honestly. And higher trust is associated with better-functioning democratic institutions.

In short, overall levels of social trust seem to go hand in hand with many features of a healthy society, creating a “virtuous circle.”

It’s also hard to love someone or something you don’t trust. We avoid people we don’t trust. We are not compelled to extend compassion towards them or help them in any way. This might explain why otherwise good Christians feel animosity towards immigrants and non-Christians. Inundated with negative messaging about “liberals” and “immigrants” who somehow are out to ruin their way of life, they find it emotionally natural to abandon Christ’s own teachings.

But we also don’t fight for a country and a society we don’t love. If we see the government as corrupt and those in power as self-dealing, greedy, and shady, we don’t trust them to protect and preserve our rights and liberties, and fear retaliation if we speak out or make waves; we can’t love anything about that. The Guardian reports that applications for dual citizenship since 2023 have grown by 500%, mostly because people want a way out amid political uncertainty under Trump. 66% of Gen Z and millennials aspire to obtain dual citizenship.

At the same time, far more Americans say they’d like to live in the past than in the future. The majority of people who feel hopeful for the future are Republicans, but women are more likely than men to say they feel scared and sad about the future.

You draw your own conclusion about this last one, but this little fact may explain why women are avoiding relationships, prioritizing education and careers over starting a family, and not wanting to have children.

Statistics may be dry, but they tell a very interesting story. First, in the last few decades at least, many people’s worlds have shrunk to political identities and self-preservation while mistrusting others, which is contradictory to human flourishing.

We cannot be happy unless we surround ourselves with love and become the actions of love. Humans have been preoccupied with the concept for thousands of years (that we know of), intuitively grasping the idea and then codifying the prescribed process. And for most of that time, they have defined it in terms of action, service, and putting others ahead of ourselves. It’s only in recent history and modern, contemporary culture that we’ve narrowed the definition and focused on feelings and intimate, romantic love. While at the same time, we have become more isolated in a highly individualistic culture, prioritizing individual achievement over community and national contribution. We are bombarded with images of what love looks like – flowers, passion, gifts, companionship, with us on the receiving end of it. We are using technology to make dating connections in search of “the one” rather than falling in love with the many by volunteering, checking on neighbors, community organizing, or helping friends and strangers.

We’ve also completely isolated ourselves in our individual worlds, mostly in an antagonistic relationship loaded with expectations with our larger home, our country. We forgot the words of John F. Kennedy, “Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.”

We also choose vocations not because we love them, but because of what we can get out of them, and then we treat co-workers as steppingstones with the same utilitarian indifference. We choose friendships for their benefits. We let go of hobbies and leisure time we love because we feel obligated to do things we don’t love. The examples of choosing against love in our lives are literally endless.

We have shot ourselves in the foot by excluding sources and opportunities for love.

It behooves us to remember that we have the most control over things within our reach. That’s friends, family, pets, people you bump into at school, at the grocery store, in the local coffee shop. Politics is also local. Great leaders can rise from local communities when they understand those communities and care for their needs. Local volunteer organizations need our care and help. Local interest groups, clubs, craft circles, etc., are great places to meet people and fall in love with them and with what you do there, not romantically but with deep compassion and care. There are limitless opportunities for the one willing to practice love the way the old masters described it – unconditionally, compassionately, fullheartedly, and without attachment.

Maybe we should try this and see how our national politics changes over time to reflect us, rather than dictating who we should be.

Happy holidays to all, and a better 2026 for sure!

Val.