How Narcissists Trauma Bond

And How To Break Free

When I think of narcissism and trauma bonding, I think of Rihanna and Chris Brown. This is perhaps one of the most public examples of a relationship that very clearly displayed trauma bond dynamics and features consistent with narcissistic abuse.

To be fair, we can't diagnose someone without sitting with them for deliberate analysis. We don't know for sure that Chris Brown is a narcissist, clinically speaking. No public record exists of a formal diagnosis, and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a serious, complex condition that can't be confirmed without a psychological evaluation.

But what we can do, and what many trauma survivors need to do, is look at patterns of behavior that are consistent with narcissistic abuse. If anyone you know, date, live, or work with does the things Chris did to Rhianna, you should distance yourself from them as much as possible. You don't need a diagnosis to trigger an escape or at least an avoidance plan.

Rihanna and Chris Brown were music's golden couple, charismatic, beautiful, powerful, and young. To the public, it looked like a dream pairing. But in 2009, the world was shocked when Chris Brown violently assaulted Rihanna the night before the Grammy Awards. The police report and her injuries horrified everyone. The incident involved punches, bites, and threats to kill her.

Afterward, he apologized publicly, performed community service, and spoke about his efforts to change. But, in the years that followed, he captured the spotlight with bar fights, violent outbursts, destruction of property, and threatening language toward women and critics, including fellow artists.

He publicly blamed others and minimized his actions in several interviews ("It's not as big a deal as people are making it, people make mistakes).

This pattern of charm - violence - apology - blame - repeat fits pretty well the definition of narcissistic abuse if you ask me. Add to that his statements about being the greatest artist of all time (grandiosity), positioning himself as misunderstood or unfairly targeted despite serious offenses (victimhood framing), belief that the rules don't apply to him, and disregard for consequences (entitlement). It'd be hard not to label him a narcissist.

In 2013, when discussing the domestic violence incident, he told The Guardian: "Sometimes you fight with the person you love and things get said, stuff spirals." That kind of framing, calling it a "fight" instead of what it was (an assault), minimizes the reality and subtly shifts the blame – another favorite narcissistic trick.

You'd think that would be the end of the relationship, right?

She had a very special, particularly sticky, and difficult-to-break bond with her narcissistic partner – a trauma bond.