How to get over someone aftear a breakup

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A friend asked, "How do you unlove someone?" When reciprocated, love makes us happy. Otherwise, it hurts. We can love someone and still leave them. It never feels easy, no matter how we part ways with our significant others. The longer the relationship, the more entangled our lives and dependent on each other, the harder it is to sever the connection and to heal the wound fully.

Humans complicate everything.

Here are some tried and successful strategies. In the next post, I'll dive deeper and explore more details, nuances, and suggestions.

1.    Out of sight, out of mind! It was easier in the age before social media and the constant reminders it threw our way. You might have to quit it for a while, block, defriend, and unfollow your ex.

2.    If you work together or share children or other commitments, minimize contact and keep it only relevant to work, children, or said commitments. Set these boundaries.

3.    Assume that you are going to forget a lot. Such as why you broke up, how this relationship was not good for you, and all the reasons why it's a terrible idea for the two of you to be together. Write these things down and stick the list on the fridge for review to straighten yourself out whenever you feel sentimental and confused.

4.    Get busy doing things you love doing with your friends or without. Take care of yourself and your self-esteem by getting healthier, working out, enjoying the great outdoors, and learning new things. In other words, fill your emptiness with practical, fun, and growth-related activities. Focus on what matters - you!

5.    Get support from friends and professionals. Friends will listen because they know you'll be there for them when they are in a funk. Professionals will listen because you pay them. However, professionals could help you more by going deeper, educating you, and helping you with self-understanding and strategizing for success. Friends give better hugs, though.

6.    Don't jump into another relationship immediately. Grieve, process, and recalibrate instead. Give yourself some space and time and see how things move along.

It feels the hardest in the first few days and weeks. It does get better. Everyone who's been through a breakup knows that.

You may never really "unlove" the person because of the time and sharing you've had together. But you can get over them, cherish the memories, and learn the lessons. Someday, you may even feel like friends and yet have no desire to be with them beyond that. It goes without saying that if the relationship was abusive, that day should never come. Forgive them, but always keep your distance and stay alert.

More about this next week…

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Yours truly,

V