The interview experiment (with the scar that isn't there) is a great example of how contextual every situation really is. We view the world through a kaleidoscope of past experience, both recent and archaic. It's really quite humbling if taken seriously, which often happens once a person decides to seek out professional help with whatever persistent problems keep coming their way. This recognition that maybe the patterns mean something, rather than always assuming the world is out to get you, is a huge step!
Projection is the perfect segway topic to the idea that all situations are at a minimum viewed through a kaleidoscope made out of past events and experiences. Projection, and/or an "activated complex", is a sneaky way for repressed or simply forgotten (ignored, denied, etc) unconscious elements within us to get our attention in the outside world. I like the analogy of a projection being like a coat, and to hang up a coat one needs a coat hook. So we walk around in the world with an inner closet full of coats (projections ready to fly out into the world) just looking for coat hooks. When we find one it is almost always because there's a familiar element to that situation, thing, or person which acts as the hook. What this means practically speaking is that when we project ... say a shadow element, so and so is such a smarty pants ... that is probably true to some extent of this person (this is the hook), but it's also probably true of whatever is projecting from within us. Important here is that we aren't "wrong" per se about this person, they probably are an annoying smarty pants. If it's a projection there's probably a lot more energy present than would be if that's ALL that was going on though, each person has to figure that out for themselves. If it's a projections (aka they're so annoying you are fantasizing about strangling them and loosing your cool) it's probably a clue that we may also act at times like a smarty pants know it all, OR maybe we have a previous experience where supposed or actual intelligence was used to put us down or make us feel small, OR we might fear the idea of thinking of ourselves as intelligent because we've convinced ourselves our entire life that we're dumblings. so we see oppression and mansplaining everywhere we go. The idea here is that what we see in the other person is to some extent real, the mirror of projection isn't entirely just giving us our own reflection. Secondly, what we see in that projection could be any number of inner issues that need to be worked on. Only an individual can unravel the inner message wanting to be interpreted and acted on, and there's almost always more than one option, at a minimum are we attracted to or repulsed by something because it's a lot like us and we secretly don't like that about ourselves or it's nothing like us but we wish we secretly wish we had more of it, add to this a thousand variations and the personal work to be done becomes very tricky indeed. The only way toward the finish line is through the dark woods though, so get going :)
On the topic of telling other people "Hey you're projecting right now!", particularly if it is accompanied by some uninvited psychoanalytic monograph on what they should actually be doing, thinking, saying ... well I don't think anyone should be surprised that this type of comment isn't going to be well received. Psychodynamic and depth psychologists understand that "leading" a client in this way almost never works. It's like giving the punchline to a joke before setting the stage, but basically the opposite. You're trying to tell the person that they're the asshole in the situation, and that's a tough pill to swallow for pretty much anyone but the thickest skinned individuals, so maybe 5% of the population can handle this, those with Big 5 neuroticism in the near-zero range. Everybody else requires a careful engagement (or just plain avoidance, choose your battles wisely). If a person doesn't find their own way to greater awareness (aka growth, consciousness, evolution) then there's almost no way to force this upon them by giving them a 30-second psychoanalysis. Another key point here is that you actually NEVER know if you're possibly the asshole, targeting another person as projecting and causing problems for themselves and/or others. You can't know this with certainty because you cannot ever know that you aren't also projecting in some way in that situation. So for a person to distrust being handed an on-the-fly armchair therapeutic insight is actually quite reasonable in many ways. If they are open enough to listen and consider what you've said at a later date and in more depth, then good for them, but don't get too righteous if they decide what you've said is more about you than it is about them, they could be completely right! Walking around feeling like we have our life and the world figured out, so much so that we are handing out life advice to other people without some serious internal work of our own, and some serious safety checks and balances in place, well that's just another version of having a lot of work yet to do (instead of deflated, depressed, stuck, we are over-inflated, lack humility, and assume that what we can't see or detect in ourselves must not exist, we already handled all that and our journey is done ... yeah right!).
The interview experiment (with the scar that isn't there) is a great example of how contextual every situation really is. We view the world through a kaleidoscope of past experience, both recent and archaic. It's really quite humbling if taken seriously, which often happens once a person decides to seek out professional help with whatever persistent problems keep coming their way. This recognition that maybe the patterns mean something, rather than always assuming the world is out to get you, is a huge step!
Projection is the perfect segway topic to the idea that all situations are at a minimum viewed through a kaleidoscope made out of past events and experiences. Projection, and/or an "activated complex", is a sneaky way for repressed or simply forgotten (ignored, denied, etc) unconscious elements within us to get our attention in the outside world. I like the analogy of a projection being like a coat, and to hang up a coat one needs a coat hook. So we walk around in the world with an inner closet full of coats (projections ready to fly out into the world) just looking for coat hooks. When we find one it is almost always because there's a familiar element to that situation, thing, or person which acts as the hook. What this means practically speaking is that when we project ... say a shadow element, so and so is such a smarty pants ... that is probably true to some extent of this person (this is the hook), but it's also probably true of whatever is projecting from within us. Important here is that we aren't "wrong" per se about this person, they probably are an annoying smarty pants. If it's a projection there's probably a lot more energy present than would be if that's ALL that was going on though, each person has to figure that out for themselves. If it's a projections (aka they're so annoying you are fantasizing about strangling them and loosing your cool) it's probably a clue that we may also act at times like a smarty pants know it all, OR maybe we have a previous experience where supposed or actual intelligence was used to put us down or make us feel small, OR we might fear the idea of thinking of ourselves as intelligent because we've convinced ourselves our entire life that we're dumblings. so we see oppression and mansplaining everywhere we go. The idea here is that what we see in the other person is to some extent real, the mirror of projection isn't entirely just giving us our own reflection. Secondly, what we see in that projection could be any number of inner issues that need to be worked on. Only an individual can unravel the inner message wanting to be interpreted and acted on, and there's almost always more than one option, at a minimum are we attracted to or repulsed by something because it's a lot like us and we secretly don't like that about ourselves or it's nothing like us but we wish we secretly wish we had more of it, add to this a thousand variations and the personal work to be done becomes very tricky indeed. The only way toward the finish line is through the dark woods though, so get going :)
On the topic of telling other people "Hey you're projecting right now!", particularly if it is accompanied by some uninvited psychoanalytic monograph on what they should actually be doing, thinking, saying ... well I don't think anyone should be surprised that this type of comment isn't going to be well received. Psychodynamic and depth psychologists understand that "leading" a client in this way almost never works. It's like giving the punchline to a joke before setting the stage, but basically the opposite. You're trying to tell the person that they're the asshole in the situation, and that's a tough pill to swallow for pretty much anyone but the thickest skinned individuals, so maybe 5% of the population can handle this, those with Big 5 neuroticism in the near-zero range. Everybody else requires a careful engagement (or just plain avoidance, choose your battles wisely). If a person doesn't find their own way to greater awareness (aka growth, consciousness, evolution) then there's almost no way to force this upon them by giving them a 30-second psychoanalysis. Another key point here is that you actually NEVER know if you're possibly the asshole, targeting another person as projecting and causing problems for themselves and/or others. You can't know this with certainty because you cannot ever know that you aren't also projecting in some way in that situation. So for a person to distrust being handed an on-the-fly armchair therapeutic insight is actually quite reasonable in many ways. If they are open enough to listen and consider what you've said at a later date and in more depth, then good for them, but don't get too righteous if they decide what you've said is more about you than it is about them, they could be completely right! Walking around feeling like we have our life and the world figured out, so much so that we are handing out life advice to other people without some serious internal work of our own, and some serious safety checks and balances in place, well that's just another version of having a lot of work yet to do (instead of deflated, depressed, stuck, we are over-inflated, lack humility, and assume that what we can't see or detect in ourselves must not exist, we already handled all that and our journey is done ... yeah right!).
I love these long comments :) It's like I am reading my post through the eyes of another and seeing what the person got out of it.