The most valuable skills in life

According to me...

As promised, this is an answer to a reader’s question.

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What are the most valuable skills to have in life, and how to get them?

I bet you anything you already know some of the answers. But here’s my list.

1)     Literacy. And I mean, please read. Reading and writing are different skills than watching and texting. You use different parts of your brain, and you process the information differently. You retain a lot more, too. So, buy some real books with pages you can fold the corners of and write in the white margins. Have an actual library at home. Some of us prefer to sit among books than people. But that’s another conversation.

2)     Mental flexibility. Seek new information, especially outside of your comfort zone, and learn how to tell the difference between reliable and unreliable information. Related to this is the skill of adaptability to new realities. You don’t want to become outdated. You know, like your grandpa who’s still talking about that time gas used to be $0.99/gal. The past is never coming back, so learn to live for the future with all its unknowns. Darwin defined survivability as adaptability. The most adaptable are the fittest to survive and thrive! Believe me when I tell you that most people coming to me for advice about their relationship dilemmas are those stuck in mental rigidity, black-and-white thinking, and attached to their ways.

3)     Emotional intelligence. Process your emotions and learn from your experiences so you don’t hurt yourself and you don’t hurt others. I am baffled by how difficult it is for people to describe clearly and accurately how they feel and ask for what they need. If you cannot understand your emotions, you sure as hell cannot empathize with others. No wonder the world is full of judgmental, self-entitled characters who think everyone else is nuts.

4)     Communication skills. Learn how to express yourself articulately and how to listen well. This relates to emotional intelligence, but it spills over into the realm of work and play, where you must be able to express your ideas and pass on information, cooperate, and collaborate. Also, learn to ask good questions, like open-ended questions that make people open up. Or insightful questions that make people think.

5)     The skill of mastering new skills throughout your life. This might actually be the #1 most important skill to have if you want to thrive in this fast-changing, confusing, complicated world. It helps to love learning and how to figure things out. But if you are the kind of person who hates starting over, feels incompetent in new environments, and arrogantly discounts the expertise of others, you’re doomed.

6)     Money management and investment skills. Even if you use a financial advisor or a wealth management company, you must understand how money works, how it grows, and how to steward it well. You must respect money even if you hate the uber-wealthy. Money is what keeps you out of the gutter. Money takes you places. You vote with your money for the things you spend on. So, use money wisely. It’s one of the greatest things humans have come up with. Imagine having to log around bags of salt to trade them for a cow or an airplane ticket. We probably would have never invented airplanes if we hadn’t first invented money.

7)     Attention management skills. In a world full of distractions, you must learn to focus. The biggest distractions in your life are at your fingertips – your smartphone, the internet, and TV. They eat up a lot of your time. On average, adults spend about 2 hours and 45 min per day on social media. This amounts to 6 years and 8 months cumulatively for an average lifetime. Millennials do much worse. They spend 3.8 hours per day on social media. Add to this an average of 2 ½ hours of TV time per day per adult, and you will quickly realize why people don’t get stuff done! You will also realize why so many seem so dull and superficial. They are in-takers of entertainment, news, and information. They are not necessarily contemplators.   

8)     Creativity. Use your imagination to experience new things and express new perspectives. Creativity leads to innovation. Innovation solves problems. Creativity also leads to enjoyment and a sense of fullness in one’s life. The opposite of creativity is automation. Don’t be a robot.

9)     Doing the right thing without being told. It’s hard to get people to do anything these days, let alone to do the right thing, and to do it without being told. But this form of taking the initiative will get you much further in life with fewer regrets than anything else. Yes, it makes you a leader among others. But it also makes you a good person in your own estimation. The trick is knowing what the right thing is. For that, refer to 1 - 3 above.

So, how to acquire these skills? I’d say the same way you learned how to walk. Keep trying. You’ll stumble along the way, but eventually, you’ll get the hang of it. Luckily, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Watch others good at some or all of these and learn from them. Read some books on the subjects. There are many good ones out there. If you are one of these avid social media users, I bet you can find a YouTube video or a hundred on “how to be creative” or “how to learn to focus.” You can also go to therapy and explore your inner universe with someone trained to guide you through the process so you can grow your emotional intelligence muscles and your communication skills.

If you really get stuck finding resources on these subjects, make an appointment with me, and I’ll help you to help yourself.

Also, watch this, too. It’s supposedly for kids, but adults are sometimes overgrown kids. You will find this useful. I promise.

If you want your questions answered, ask in the comments or reply to this email.

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Need help to figure yourself out? Contact me. I can help!
My services: www.valentinapetrovaconsulting.com

Yours truly,

V.