The New Rules of Relationships
Living through the relationship revolution
Did you read last week’s post?
According to Esther Perel, a famed relationship expert, we exist in the midst of a relationship revolution.
We’ve transitioned from production-based relationships (the institution of marriage for the preservation of wealth and the growth of one’s resources) to service-based relationships (we want pleasure, fun, someone to fulfill us and help us become the best we can be as individuals). We’ve elevated personal relationships up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs from survival, through love and connection, to self-actualization. Which is to say, we now leave relationships not because they are bad, but because they are not good enough.
We have gained unprecedented freedom in the relationship space, but no longer trust the maps that once helped people navigate it.
We used to know the roles we should play. Now, we’re free to redefine everything, including ourselves. Our unprecedented freedom creates opportunities and flexibility to choose partners, leave marriages, reject tradition, make our own relationship rules, and reinvent ourselves whenever we feel we need to. Many take full advantage of it, as evidenced by marriage statistics showing high divorce rates, fewer people choosing to marry, and when they do, it’s much later in life.
Others feel confused and left behind instead, as they can’t seem to figure out how they fit into the new world without traditional rules and prescribed roles. They look back in time and feel that it’s never been so hard to find a life partner before.
In all this freedom to choose, to change, to explore, we still search for stability and security. A few find it, while many more experience existential anxiety.
