First time here? Please subscribe and Life Intelligence will be delivered in your email.

Back in great-grandma’s time, life was so much easier for those who chose to follow a traditional grove. Gender roles and expectations provided a blueprint for what women should want. For the most part, it was to find a good provider and raise a family. Women married early. As Robert Frost said in “The Virgins To Make Much Of Time,”

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry;
For having lost but once your prime,
You may forever tarry.

But if great-grandma lost her husband, she couldn’t borrow money from the bank, buy a house, get a job, or vote until much later. She was lucky to be educated. Obviously, she had to take good care of her husband and keep him going as long as possible. Imagine what great-grandma’s options were if her husband was an abusive asshole? No wonder marriages lasted forever.

Great-grandpa didn’t consider his wife’s aspirations outside of domestic bliss. Then his daughters came along and started talking about women’s rights, ushering along a social revolution. Women went to work. Got their own money. Then came birth control, and women could have sex for fun and not worry about raising offspring in an inconvenient time for their careers. Women’s independence created pressures on men to qualify for their attention. Women wanted more and more until they wanted to become the bosses, the leaders, and even the men themselves.

It seems that the social standing and demands of the female population in the Western world have grown in leaps and bounds, gaining momentum as a force for change, challenging not only social norms but politics and commerce. Everyone is trying to guess what women want. Meanwhile, men looking for relationships find themselves confused and discouraged, unsure how to approach women and what to do with them once they get their attention.

Between the stereotypes, science, the feminists, biology, and politics, there are as many mixed messages about what women want out there as there are hot flashes in a single day during menopause.

Biology (despite much attempt to discount it) has a lot to do with psychology. We all want to and should be equal in the eyes of the law, but we are not all the same in the eyes of nature. Despite nurture and social change, we still end up with some significant differences between men and women.

Biology affords women a very short reproductive window than men, who can father children practically until they die. So, some women want children early enough to raise them and get on with the rest of their lives. The biological clock is real and ticks louder, year after year, until this is all some women hear. No shame in this game! It is what it is. Everyone has a biological mother! We should respect the biological clock!

Other women care more about their education and careers. You will find them in line for birth control. They take no chances, have goals, and will travel wherever opportunities exist. They work hard to get ahead. That’s not to say that they don’t want to be in relationships and never get lonely because they do. But at the end of the day, they go where their ambition takes them.

Women are activists, community volunteers, and artists. As far as what women can do, they can do many things better than men, whether men like it or not. And there will be things they won’t ever be able to do better. But that’s not the point. We don’t all have to be Picassos. The more variety, the better. We get to cover more of life’s basis by being all different things.

Women are human, and as such, they want the same things as all other humans – safety, security, self-expression, friends, and fine dining. It turns out men and women find red the most attractive color, even though they get to that conclusion for different reasons. For women, the color red represents power and confidence, which consciously or unconsciously are desirable qualities. For a guy – a ripe cherry to be picked. Both have evolved evolutionary to assure the procreation of the human species. You just can’t argue with evolution. Remember this for a good time!

Women like their guys well-groomed and well-mannered. Social psychology experiments reveal that the best dressed guy gets the most attention. Guys do the same thing. Check out any dating app, and you will find guys who say that they want their future girlfriends to “take care of themselves.” No one apparently wants a slob.

Furthermore, a guy appears much sexier the more money he earns. A particular experiment comes to mind where the researchers used the same picture of the same guy but did a different write-up about him – how much he makes and what car he drives. When asked how sexy and attractive he is, women gave him 8-10 out of 10 when they saw the write-up portraying him as earning more and driving an expensive car. In the opposite case, they said he was an average of 5 out of 10. About 42 percent of women believe that financial security is far more important than good looks. You have to love social psychology for these embarrassing nuggets of wisdom…

Most women want healthy and strong specimens of the male species between the sheets. Evolutionary, we are programmed to look for signs of vitality and reproductive fitness. If you don’t believe me, go see how women behave at the Magic Mike show in Vegas, EVEN WHEN THEIR BOYFRIENDS ARE RIGHT NEXT TO THEM! However, when it comes to raising children, women prioritize loyalty and dedication over physique. That’s because human babies take a lot of energy and the ability to survive under long periods of stress. The cost of raising a child alone used to be unbearable hundreds of years ago. And even though it is acceptable now, it is still much harder than sharing the burden. Even women who are not looking to raise children often prioritize loyalty over physique when they consider potential partners for a lasting relationship. It could be because even though their minds know they don’t want children, their evolutionary drive to form a pair bond is still programmed by nature’s procreation agenda.

Women want to be respected. They want to be seen for who they are, for their accomplishments, ideas, skills, and contribution. Yes, some want a sugar daddy, but being a sugar baby is still a lot of work and requires skills and tolerance. Just think of what it takes to get a guy to buy you expensive stuff all the time, pay all of your bills, get you a fancy apartment, and take you on fun, all-expense-paid trips! For starters, you need to have assets (that take time and money to maintain). Then, you need people skills, planning skills, and the ability to deliver on a level that makes the investment worth it from the guy’s perspective. That’s a serious job! Even sugar babies want to be respected!

Research shows that women want romance too. Except, different women like it differently. Getting to know a person goes a long way. Dinner and a movie or hiking the PCT? Flowers? Vegan chocolate? Tickets to Italy? Get to know them and let them get to know you. Be honest. Sooner or later, they will find out about your excessive drinking, your ex, and your bad driving. So, open up and start chatting. Women want to learn about you and trust you enough to share their stories with you. Yep. You will know how to romance them if you pay attention because they will tell you what they like.

From research, we know that it is less important to a guy if a woman is accomplished. But women, in general, prefer a guy they can be proud of. You don’t have to be on top of the food chain. Many women now hold positions of power and make more money than men. You just have to have something going for you that impresses them. It could be your career. But it can just as easily be a hobby or a talent you have for something that lights you up and gets you excited about life.

Women also like kindness. Who doesn’t? Genuine kindness goes a long way. No one likes rude, selfish, and narcissistic cocks parading around as if the world owes them something. Compassion, understanding, and integrity stand on the same footing as kindness. In other words, women like good human beings.

If it sounds like women want the same things you want, it’s because women and men have a lot more in common than their differences. So, next time you wonder what a woman wants, ask yourself what you would want in the situation or from a partner. I bet you’ll land in the ballpark!

The most valuable skill in a relationship is communication. That’s because communicating well increases the chances of getting the correct message across and syncing your needs and wants with the other person. If you are clear, or at least close to it, about what you need and want, your values and priorities, your aspirations, and what you have to give and contribute, you will find it a lot easier to figure out what a woman wants.

Practice asking good questions and listen closely to the answers. Observe what a woman does and how, and you will learn about her temperament, how she thinks, and what she likes. It’s as simple as that!

Share what you’ve figured out or what puzzles you the most in the comments. Share this post, and spread the word!

Happy exploring!

Leave a comment

Share

Thanks for reading.

Find me on Facebook in the Life Intelligence private group.
Or on Twitter @CoachValentina

Yours truly,

V.