Why We Stay Too Long In Lame Relationships

Identity And Cognitive Dissonance

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This one’s for anyone who’s ever said, “I’m a loyal person…” while slowly self-destructing in a relationship. It answers why your smart, emotionally mature self might stick around way past the expiration date of a lame personal association.

Most of us like to think of ourselves as self-aware. Rational. Capable of calling it quits when things get toxic or we start feeling that gnawing sense of misalignment. But a psychological cocktail keeps us pouring ourselves into the wrong romantic, platonic, or even ideological relationships long after the drink has gone flat. The saddest part is that we remain clueless and defensive, even double down instead of packing.

It's happened to me. I think of myself as emotionally mature and psychologically educated enough to protect myself from dating the wrong guy or joining the wrong dance party. OK, I've never dated a serial killer (that I know of), or joined the KKK, but I did briefly date a conspiracy theorist with too many guns.

So, as you can see, even I find myself barking up an apple tree expecting oranges to drop from time to time. As the life coach in me sounds the alarm, I rationalize my reasons for giving the person one more chance, explaining myself, and hoping against their obviously hopeless behavior and traits. I become the educator, the patient, curious partner wanna be, and end up killing a few weeks arguing with myself about staying or going. It's the most ridiculous thing I do. I laugh at myself.

At the center of this psychological cocktail, and inebriated stumbling around?