Why you can't change anyone's mind

(Or it's tough to)

Welcome to Wednesday's Life Intelligence…arriving on Thursday this week for entirely avoidable reasons. It happens. I am sorry. Traveling back got me a little disoriented.

Today, I am including the voiceover, too. I’ve been forgetting to do it lately.

If you've ever tried to argue with someone on social media or otherwise about the merits of your opposing opinion, only to find yourself frustrated at their hard-headedness, your experience is neither unique nor uncommon. From the other person's perspective, you don't make any more sense than you think they do. Basically, you're left trying to convince a wall to move while they are looking at you like there's something wrong with you.

You wonder how anyone looking at the facts can think so differently than you do. After all, logic is logic, and 2+2 should always equal four. But it doesn't. This might be the reason why "independents" are so important to politicians. They are the only ones who supposedly have not made up their minds. Everyone else is where they are, and there's no converting them to your side, no matter how much you try.

The same happens in team sports. Very few fans ever switch teams, even if they are unhappy with their team's performance. Similarly, around religion and spirituality, there's very little chance a Christian will turn Muslim or the other way around or that an atheist will somehow be convinced that God is a real thing. Religious beliefs are so ingrained from childhood and reinforced by community and culture that an atheist will have a really steep hill to climb to shake these beliefs out of someone.

We see similar attitudes around diets, health, medical beliefs, and alternative medicine. Remember, a sizable vocal minority refused to get vaccinated for COVID and subscribed to all sorts of "theories" on the issue. I have a friend who said that half the population will be dead because of the COVID vaccines in two years. When people still weren't dropping like flies 3 years later, he updated his time projection to 2030. It was easier than to admit that he was off his rocker for thinking what he was thinking.

We are equally unshakably opinionated about people we like or dislike, affecting our relationships and family dynamics and causing ourselves more concern and suffering than we probably want. Beliefs about gender roles, race, and social structures are also deeply embedded and resistant to change.

So, here is why – some interesting psychological factors at play and how they predispose us to easy manipulation by nefarious actors. In the end, I'll also tell you what you can do to help someone change their mind. I'll even give you a script you can follow on any controversial topic!