The question is: Why are so many people talking about trauma work? Is it necessary, and how much is enough?
The short answer: because it’s part of the “therapyzation” of everyday life. I made up that word.
The actual (sort of) term is “therapy speak.” It’s what everyday people do when they throw around clinical terms in their everyday language without necessarily using them precisely or even accurately sometimes. It makes it sound like they’ve done some personal work, with or without a therapist. It also makes them sound like they know what they are talking about.
Trauma work was first introduced to those who suffer from PTSD, like war veterans, first responders, people who’ve survived a war, lost everything and everyone in a major natural disaster, something huge, life-threatening, and life-altering.
Now, the term “trauma” frequently applies to all kinds of unpleasant, disappointing, and embarrassing situations. Even getting tough feedback for something, or being called out for bad behavior. So, suddenly, a lot of people label themselves “traumatized.”
By that definition, my dog rolling into a dead bird on the beach while I am trying to talk to a cute guy and make a good impression is rather traumatizing. My parents yelling at me once for doing something dumb in front of my friends was traumatizing to a point that explains my social anxiety, or inability to put my phone down and get out of my room and talk to real humans.
In short, “trauma” and “trauma-informed work” suffer from concept creep.
If you can’t handle criticism, opposing opinions, the stupidity of someone calling you a name, embarrassment, and generally, any type of challenge to your self-concept, your convenience, or your sense of entitlement, you shouldn’t be looking for trauma-informed therapy. You should be looking for an ego check, emotional resilience, and social intelligence.
I wrote about this last year. Check out “Uncomfortable Truths About Trauma.”
👉 Is Trauma Work Necessary?
So, before I answer the question of whether trauma work is necessary, I would need to know if what a person experienced actually qualifies as trauma, in the clinical sense. That’s not to say that people can’t benefit from therapy no matter what. But that “what” makes a huge difference in the kind of approach or therapy a person should focus on.
I’d also want to know what’s happening now. Are you still having nightmares about the car accident, and have you started taking the bus because you can’t bring yourself to drive? Did a relative sexually and physically abuse you as a child and now you can’t trust anyone and are afraid of physical intimacy? After an armed robbery, you still leave the house but can’t stop looking over your shoulder and rush to your car with a racing heart. It’s worth asking a therapist whether trauma-focused treatment would help.
If the problem is that you’re still fuming about what your boss said on Tuesday, I’d start with what your boss actually said and whether any of it was fair. If you lost your place in a toast and said “anyway” four times, you might want to prepare better next time. If your friend went to lunch with someone else and didn’t invite you, she likely didn’t trigger your abandonment trauma.
👉 How long do you need to be in therapy?
As with all things human, how much work you will need to do depends on your motivation and your follow-through. Results always vary.
But you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be functional. So, whatever your situation is, as long as you’re functional, you can enjoy a great life and make improvements and adjustments along the way.
Are you a paid subscriber? Send me your question for next month’s Q&A by replying to this email or commenting below.
Thanks for reading.
Seven Days of Enough
November 23–29
Thanksgiving is coming. This is the week of a thousand suggestions for things we apparently don’t have enough of. It is its own splurge, decadence, rush, stress, and an endless to-do list to get that dinner perfect.
What is the Seven Days of Enough?
Each day, you’ll receive a short reflection, a little humor, and one easy practice for the day. No homework. No journaling. Just enough to make sure you don’t go off the deep end and actually have a glorious and deliciously satisfying holiday (and life) 😁
Who can participate:
Paid subscribers only. You are automatically enrolled.
Free subscribers…. Upgrade to Participate!
I am ready! Are you???
Ready or not, ACCIDENTALLY, day one went out this morning. How apropo. LOL. There will be a different Day 1 or the actual Day 1. 🤣🤣🤣
Did you see What The Science Of Kindness Reveals About Us? Check it out before it goes behind the paywall again on Monday. 🙂
Val